}}The Zanpakutō Guild{{

[TweedyTL]

Thanks for the advice and structuring OG. It's been a while since I tried forging a zanpakuto, I still remember creating Naki Tenshi fondly. I'm currently quite busy with exams, but I'll try to get round to forging this, it's a good test of creative abilities.

lasers:

Spoiler:

As for the lasers; lasers are really just a concentrated beam of high-energy electro-magnetic rays. A zanpakuto that manipulates electro-magnetism would also control electro-magnetic waves, with includes light. Freely manipulating light would probably be OP and too technical though, so I may stick to 'firing a super-concentrated beam of light' as far as EM-waves go.

Overall look:

Spoiler:

I'm leaning towards a 'dashing swordsman' look for my bankai; sword, shield and electric shoes which increase users speed. Said shoes can leave a trail of electricity behind them, so if I circle my opponents they are left trapped in a ring of electricity, and generally the more I move the more dangerous the area becomes.

As an aside, Naki Tenshi (Weeping Angel) is the zanpakuto that most relates to myself, in terms of abilities and personality. Description in my signature. The bankai phrase Omoi Risu, Kokoro Risu (Fractured Mind, Fractured Heart) may become my next tattoo, although I still need to think about it and find some nice caligraphy for it.

[Bankai - Ichigo]

Thanks for the explanation on the lasers, and yeah, if that's the case, you can keep them; just do whatever you have to in order to keep it from getting too haxx. [This next little tidbit is only for spell-check correction or whatnot:] You don't need to hyphenate electro and magnetism, seeing as it can be written as one whole word; look it up in a dictionary if you need to, but yeah, electromagnetism, as a whole word, does exist.

Anyway, about the electric shoes--look in the first of the last two posts I've got on here. I've already been thinking of doing something similar to your speed increase through electric shoes idea, so if you want to keep it, would you please consider making it a bit more different from mine? Unless they can both pass as they are.

[OminousG]

Don't think for one second I forgot this awesome zan. Waiting on my crit must have been quite unsatisfying. I do apologize, but I am glad I delayed. I am sure you will come to understand why it was worth the wait.

Lilith_Rayne's Tenshi Kasei

Originally Posted by Lilith_Rayne

Spoiler:

Name Tenshi Kasei *Fire Born Angel* You know, the more and more I see this zan, the more I realize its subtlety as a phoenix.
Release: okimasu settei kouryuu*Rise and Set Ablaze* It's release is quite deceiving, mainly because it gives the impression of fire attacks... Do you plan to use them? That would rock if you could work them in. ...oh, btw, the release should go after you discuss it's sealed form, directly before you explain shikai.

Spirit Shrink this pic down to forum friendly size. Its too huge. I'm sure the other mods won't notice the nudity so readily if its smaller.

Spoiler:

Beautiful pic btw.

Tenshi Kasei's spirit is wild and un-harnessed. She is very much the essence of the flames from which she was born. She is hot tempered and quick to react. Fiesty and strong-willed, she fights with reckless abandon. Her world looks very similar to that of a blazing fire in a cloudy sky. Short. Sweet. Simple.

Sealed Form

Spoiler:

In her sealed form Tenshi Kasei is about 18 1/2 in long with a blade that is 1 3/8 wide. Her blade in sealed form is 12in. She is solid red, with orange flecks running throughout, to mimic flames Personally, I like the pic as is, mainly because they have the color of ash... and that's more poetic in my own opinion. BUT, do as you wish. Regardless of what you choose, remember to keep the details in the description here. Well done.

Released Form

Spoiler:

In her released form Tenshi is a katana about 25 1/2 in long, with a blade width of 2in. She is blood red and burnt orange. The colors are that of the flames she represents. A gentle explanation of the guard and handle would be an added bonus. Image courtesy of Hentai

Power(s)

Spoiler:

Much like a phoenix she can temporarily restore life to a recently dead entity. The power is limited to a small number and upon being slain by an enemy, the re-animated lifeform becomes permanently dead and cannot be restored again; however the exception to this is, If the wielder “destroys” the re-animated, in a flame, they can become reborn at the wielder's command. Because of this, her power and her wielder's power are directly attached to each other, almost symbiotic of one another. For every life Tenshi Kasei restores, a small bit of her wielders spirit pressure is used. Since the power is spirit based, Tenshi Kasei can be used to restore the life of any spirit being. However, upon re-animation their skills and fighting ability is limited and they are essentially puppets of Tenshi Kasei’s wielder.

She cannot revive or re-animate anything with a greater spiritual pressure than herself, and she can not use her technique multiple times without break. This allows for setting up perfect “traps” where an enemy believes they have defeated an “army” only to find they haven’t.

So much can be done if you push further. Adding fire as an element, exploiting the WTF moment when your opponent is struck by a dead ally, as well as an ultimate attack (yea usually, we don't encourage those at all, let alone this early in forging, but this is a PHOENIX. Its only going to be as powerful as you can forge it.)

My advice? Stay on target and work those themes into one bad ass sword.

[Bankai - Ichigo]

I'd actually agree with OG on the flames bit, Lilith. You did a great job staying true to the phoenix's resurrection theme, but a phoenix is of course a fire bird. Have it use fire-based abilities, and not just as part of the effect used in the resurrection technique, either. But yeah, so far, so good.

[I'm a bid ashamed to be having to ask this, but . . . what was my color on here again?]

[OminousG]

The colors were established for the ZanSmiths originally because we crit so much, it helps to differentiate between the original post, and our inline critique. Do as you wish regarding color. Your crit to come this weekend. I'm going to take my time on it as well to give it my best.

[Lilith_Rayne]

i've just been stuck on a creativity mental block, where she's concerned. Hoping to get some inspiration and finish her up

[OminousG]

ban KAI

Spoiler:

Originally Posted by Bankai - Ichigo

Name: Kokurairyuu [黒雷龍 (Dark Lightning Dragon (lit. "Black Lightning Dragon")) It has an OK name. Simple. Not too creative, but it'll do.

Type: Lightning/Electricity - Full-time Shikai type Very concise of you to state this in the beginning. Well done. Albeit, I would state its constant shikai release after the realm and spirit, rather than before it.

Realm and Spirit:

Spoiler:

The Realm of Kokurairyuu is a huge, wide, endless, flat plane plain shrouded in darkness, as it is always nighttime there. There is a faint, eerie glow however, to make it at least a little easier to see. This is merely me picking at straws for the details thus far, but if its shrouded in darkness and always night time, then you'd need a source of light for your glow.... otherwise what's glowing??? the invisible air? lol, thats a little drastic, but you get my point. Is it possible to make the plain engulfed by dense storm clouds? Its very basic, as a endless flat plain is... well... plain. Although, if you go the storm cloud route, a plain would be odd scenery, as atmospheric pressure would normally and naturally gravitate the clouds to a high point (i.e. peaks in the terrain, high hill, mountain, etc.) This inner world is almost always ravaged by strong, violent gales and thunderstorms with black and dark blue (dark-blue outline) lightning. That lightning itself is Kokurairyuu and he is everywhere within this Realm, as an almost omnipresent being. (Note: I got the idea to make the Spirit be like this from looking at Raijin, the god of thunder, lightning, and storms in Japanese mythology and Shintoism [I know the form is nothing like his, but at least the storm, thunder, and lightning bits are there]). FIRST and foremost, you get bonus points for Japanese mythology. VERY NICE. SECONDLY, I appreciate the Shinto reference. An almost unknown fact is that the tri-comma shuriken used in the Master ZanSmith medallion, as well as a tattoo that I have, is a SHINTO SYMBOL. Honestly, you rock for that reference. I'm impressed you mentioned Shintoism. HOWEVER, I would not include what you stated as you stated it. Instead of mentioning your influence of inspiration, I challenge you to come up with a unique character, a samurai for instance, to represent your zan's spirit. (((for ideas and images, google each of these: black tengu, blue tengu, black samurai, blue samurai... etc. I am sure you will find something to your liking to fit an image to your zan's spirit. Personally, I'd limit your choice to drawn/painted art, figurines, statues, or action figures that you find.))) By no means is this a requirement, its just my attempt to help you give your zan some awesome depth. If you choose this route, be sure to describe your spirit's appearance to match the art you find.

As he is made purely of lightning, he is actually able to take virtually any form he wants to (note: this ability does not translated into Shikai or Bankai; it is Kokurairyuu's power alone). <<<This I like. It sorta reminds me of Raiden in Mortal Kombat. Whenever I go into my inner world outside of Bankai, Kokurairyuu would take the form of a huge, magnificent black dragon that seems to be made of black lightning with a dark blue outline. In dragon form, he chooses the form of an Eastern-style Dragon; image (imagine him (black body with dark blue accents?) with electricity strobing along this entire form. as made purely of black and blue lightning):

Spoiler:

I tried to clean up the visual a little bit. Being entirely lightening is almost too bright to actually make out just what he is. I hope I was able to suggest an appearance still true to what you were going for. Correct it if not.

According to Kokurairyuu himself, he mostly stays in his dragon form, hence his name. Whenever he is in this form, though there are still violent winds and rain in the realm, there is no longer any thunder or lightning as it is self contained within him? (this is why I say that the inner world is "almost always" ravaged by strong, violent winds and thunderstorms). <<<A bit wordy here and not needed. This should be an understood given, and has no real value as it should be obviously assumed. He can create a powerful barrier with his reiatsu that the winds and rain can't penetrate, which he always does whenever I'm there, so that we can carry out conversations in peace. <<<this is not needed either. Its like your saying your inner world would harm you if it wasn't for your zan's spirit. Just leave the entirety of this out.

When we spar, he takes the form of a man wielding a sword that looks the same as his Shikai sword form, so that when I visit the inner world in Bankai, there is a noticeable change in the inner world to represent that, and that is the complete lack of thunderstorms due to the fact that, in Bankai, he is permanently in his "human" form, as a master swordsman Spirit that is 6ft in height, has almost no weight due to being lightning, and blue eyes and blue-black hair that reaches down to his waist, hanging loose (untied). In his "human" form, he is dressed in a black samurai get-up, but barefoot. Kokurairyuu is ancient himself, but his "human" form looks to still be in his 20s, and is also seemingly lean and well-built. GOOD SHIT!!! THIS IS NICE. NO CRIT NEEDED!!!! Way to go BanIchi.

Sealed Form (before its name was called): A nodachi. The hilt of the sword is 4 inches long with a black ray-skin under the hilt-wrapping, which is dark blue. The cross-guard is circular, with a picture of multiple thunder bolts engraved into it. The blade of the sword is 7 inches long, coming out of a black collar. The sheath is dark blue, with the kanji for "lightning" printed on the up-facing part in black color. Dude, you should keep him with being able to still possess his sealed form. Your very nice description here in the sealed form goes to waste otherwise. NO CRIT NEEDED!!!!

Shikai:

Spoiler:

Appearance of Shikai: Same nodachi as the Sealed state, except with a slightly wider and 1 and half inch longer dark blue blade coming out of a fitting-sized black collar; the guard and hilt are also slightly enlarged to accommodate for the change the size of the blade and collar. , and the necessary changes are also made to the part of the hilt connected to the cross-guard to make it work. It would normally be heavier and harder to wield easily, but as it is my Zanpakutou, and therefore a part of me, it feels light as a feather in my hands. This should be a given as well, as its generally accepted to be the case. But keep it if you wish.

The sword is worn on the back, encased in its sheath. a sheath made specifically to fit the blade. <<<lol, duh, we know that. The sheath is of a dark blue color still, with same kanji on it that it had in Sealed Form. Well done.

Abilities of Shikai: This Zanpakutou has the power to control lightning and electricity. The blade can be coated in a powerful torrent of black and dark blue (as an outline) lightning. The amount of lightning, as well as the wattage, voltage, and amp measurements can be controlled at will. hmm... highly volatile even at its beginning release. Lets see how you handle this.

Ability 1: Kokurai Dageki [黒雷 あてみ] (Black Lightning Strike): The black lightning mentioned above can either be held on the blade to power the sword swings up with a strong electric charge, or it can be shot at the opponent in however many powerful, huge tendrils of black lightning as I want. LOL, I'm gonna let this Getsuga Tensho reference slide. You deserve it. I think its unique enough to differentiate for now. Lets see what the other Master ZanSmiths say on this one before you make any changes.

Should the opponent try to block with a bladed or otherwise metallic weapon made of a good conductive material, the said conductive material will act as a lightning rod instead and electrocute SHOCK the opponent, so if ever possible, it is better dodge the attacks than to try to block them. simple change in wording... to actually say "electrocute" this early on would be haxx.

[[[[[[[[This Zanpakutou also has the ability to attract to the lightning coating of the sword any and all electrons (STOP. mid-sentence interruption: No matter what comes next, anything you say will be haxx. ANY AND ALL ELECTRONS????? BEFORE BANKAI???? NO. Just... no. SUPREME HAXX VIOLATION.)in the surrounding atmosphere, as well as anywhere else that electrons can be. It is also possible to electrically charge any particles or molecules that are not normally electrically charged, and use those, such as reishi, air molecules, etc. I can also choose to fire the electricity generated this way while it is still in the air, without having to get it onto the sword. ]]]]]]]] Scrap this whole ability.

Ability 1b: Kokurai Dageki Jitai no Ni: Kuroi Arashi [黒雷 あてみ 代表 二: 黒嵐] (Black Lightning Strike Type 2: Black Storm): With this ability, Kokurairyuu creates powerful, violent thunderstorms with black lightning, spreading over a 30 mile radius (SLOW DOWN, lol this is shikai. This doesn't need to be any bigger than a third (⅓) of a mile (1760 ft).) around both me and the opponent in all directions (proportionately gets bigger as needed when fighting multiple opponents). The storm doesn't hurt me as long as I hold on to Kokurairyuu's body, but everyone else is fair game (you may think that the opponent could escape the torments of the storm by holding onto the body of Kokurairyuu, but . . . well, let's just say they'll probably be begging for mercy afterwords; Kokurairyuu is a part of me, not them). [He is based off of Raijin, so that is why he can do this.]<<<this part not needed.

Bankai:

Spoiler:

Name of Bankai: Kokurairyuu no Kenshi [黒雷龍 の 剣士] (Dark Lightning Dragon the Master Swordsman)

Appearance of Bankai: In Bankai, the Zanpakutou splits into four parts; two gauntlets that reach up the elbows and two boots that reach up to the knees (these replace the brown samurai-style shoes the Shinigami normally wear). The gauntlets and boots are both dark blue. On the inner part, which is in contact with me, the gauntlets and boots are smooth and firm, comfortable, but on the outside, the part that is not touching me, they are constantly covered in black lightning (the same black lightning with a dark blue outline).

The Bankai also gives the wielder a black samurai outfit similar to the one the Spirit wears in Bankai form. The same sword from the Shikai can be summoned in this form, though the sword is now made of electrically charged reishi that are compressed and condensed at the cutting edges, as well as moving at constant high-speeds, to make the blade razor sharp; it is sharper than it was in Shikai. hmmm... not bad

Abilities of Bankai: The same abilities from the Shikai are carried over and powered up by 10fold. In saying this, you have maxed out the potential for power gain in bankai. Well done. Good way to push those limits. It is now much easier and simpler to generate electricity using the Kokurai Dageki move, though it is uses up a little more reiatsu now, and there is also a lot more lightning and electricity that can be generated and either held onto the blade or fired from mid-air. because its first mention passed this crit initially, there's no reason to crit here. Same rule as mentioned above applies here as well.

This Bankai has two additional attacks;
Attack 1: Kansei no Shokku [抑 の 打 (Shock Control)]: This ability allows me to, when my fist or blade (when the sword has been summoned) is in contact with the opponent's body, send electrical shocks into said opponent's body and into their brain, in order to gain a degree of control over their body through the nervous system. It is impossible to gain full control, as they have their own will which can resist the effects of this technique if their will and reiatsu is strong enough, but depending on how strong or how much stronger (than theirs) my own reiatsu and will are, I can still exert a possibly high level of control over them. You gotta be careful here, because there is no shock that will control limbs at will (from a physics standpoint anyway.) You could do so much more here. You could immobilize the opponent, cause delay reactions, cause spasms, ...etc.

Attack 2: Kuroi Enerugii Wakiokoru [黒 エネルギー 劈く(Dark Energy Burst)]: This is an extremely risky attack that acts as a double-edged sword; it temporarily turns my body into one made of black lightning (hence the "dark energy" part), and the mobility is enhanced so it goes up to lightning speeds. As it's a Shinigami that is using the ability, the risk doesn't come from the speed or the conversion from spirit particles to pure energy; where the risk really comes from is the lightning itself, as the lightning is hurting me, and the longer it stays active, the riskier it is.

When used while the "Type 2" of Kokurai Dageki is in use, it is possible to override and nullify the drawback of this technique by becoming part of the storm. This can be done because I'm able to hold onto that storm and, with Kokurairyuu no Kenshi's help, safe-guard my well-being and sustain the lightning form, both at the same time. Help me out here, just how does a shinigami turn into their sword by merging with it? This was done in Diamond Dust Rebellion and in the Sealed Sword Frenzy, but it is unspeakably unorthodox. I counsel against this one. But lets see what the other ZanSmiths have to say.

WOW, I am impressed beyond belief B.I. There are A LOT of good things going for this zan. Aside from what I've mentioned about the haxxed out parts and the concepts, I wouldn't stray too far from where you are now. As I mentioned before, this is a great starting point. I highly recommend you address most of the things I pointed out first before adding more.

I'll also message the other masters to have them crit this as well. Not bad. Not bad at all.


interesting:

An almost unknown fact is that the tri-comma shuriken (mitsu domo) used in the Master ZanSmith medallion, my sig art, as well as the same tattoo that I have, is a SHINTO SYMBOL. It means perfect balance, harmony, with man, earth, and sky. From these basic elements, all others originate.

[Bankai - Ichigo]

Honestly, Getsuga Tenshou never crossed my mind when writing up that first attack in Shikai. I find it a bit odd that you thought of it but I didn't(?).

For the Spirit, my idea was to make it one made of lightning. I hope that going with your suggestion for its dragon form's appearance wouldn't defeat that completely (at least there's still lightning on his entire body). As for the glow, I was thinking to give it a strange kind of "WTF" factor, like, "Hey, wait, how is there a glow?". Eeriness, ne? But yeah, if it really doesn't work that way, then I'll go with the dense storm clouds option for the explanation as to why there's a glow.

[By the way, I did mess up on saying that it's a nodachi; isn't what I'm going for actually a daicho? Correct me if I'm wrong, please.]

And about the electron attraction ability: how about I just limit it to attracting electrons within a 2 inch radius of me in all directions, and also maybe adding a reiatsu limit for how much electricity can be generated. I'll make it more powerful and increase the range and amount of electricity generated and electrons attracted in Bankai.

I'm a bit embarrassed to admit this, but, the main reason I'm sticking with this being a Permanent Shikai type, is that I'm finding it hard to come up with a good Release Command that I can have translated into Japanese--or, well, what would be a good phrase for it?

I'll make the corrections you suggested, and take out the things you shouldn't be there (I'll try waiting for your reply first, if that's alright). Thanks for the compliments and crit, by the way.

Edit: On second thought, I'll make the wording corrections and move the electron attraction bit from Shikai to Bankai (was thinking of doing that for a while now, anyway). Some changes to the Sealed State and the Spirit and Realm description have also been made. Do look at the Shikai and Bankai again as well, though.

Let me know if it's okay for me to make the electron attraction ability in Bankai more powerful and effective. The speed, range, and power of all of the attacks should be higher, too, probably. I'll also maybe move the Black Storm ability to Bankai increase back to that of a 30 mile radius when fighting a single opponent. If that's not too haxx even for Bankai, of course.

Zanpakutō:

Spoiler:

Name: Kokurairyū [黒雷龍 (Dark Lightning Dragon (lit. "Black Lightning Dragon"))
Type: Lightning/Electricity - Full-time Shikai type

Realm and Spirit:

Spoiler:

The Realm of Kokurairyū is a huge, wide, endless plain covered with countless craters, gashes, and burn-marks, while also being shrouded in darkness, as it is always nighttime there. There is a faint, eerie glow however, to make it at least a little easier to see. This inner world is almost always ravaged by strong, violent gales and thunderstorms with black lightning that has a dark-blue outline. That lightning itself is Kokurairyū and he is everywhere within this realm, as an almost omnipresent being.

As he is made purely of lightning, he is actually able to take virtually any form he wants to (note: this ability does not translate into Shikai or Bankai; it is Kokurairyū's power alone). Whenever I go into my inner world outside of Bankai, Kokurairyū would take the form of a huge, magnificent black dragon that seems to be made of black lightning with a dark blue outline. In dragon form, he chooses the form of an Eastern-style Dragon; image (imagine him as made purely of black and blue lightning):

Spoiler:

According to Kokurairyū himself, he mostly stays in his dragon form, hence his name. Whenever he is in this form, though there are still violent winds and rain in the Realm, there is no longer any thunder or lightning, as the lightning comes from within him.

The lightning from this Zanpakutō's attacks won't hut me unless Kokurairyū is angry, in which case the lighting would hurt me. But when that happens, since Kokurairyū himself would die as well if I were to die, a defense mechanism in his mind activates and creates a temporary barrier of lightning around me to protect from any other of Kokurairyū's lightning that might harm me. Once he calms down, he immediately goes back to making his lightning unable to hurt me, but instead work with me to give me more power, and the "lightning barrier" deactivates.

When we spar, he takes the form of a man wielding a sword that looks the same as his Shikai sword form, and when I visit the inner world in Bankai, there is a noticeable change in the inner world to represent that: the complete lack of thunderstorms due to the fact that, in Bankai, he is permanently in his "human" form, as a master swordsman Spirit that is 6ft in height, has almost no weight due to being lightning, and blue eyes and blue-black hair that reaches down to his waist, hanging loose (untied). In his "human" form, he is dressed in a black samurai get-up, but barefoot. Kokurairyū is ancient himself, but his "human" form looks to still be in his 20s, and is also seemingly lean and well-built.

Sealed Form (before its name was called): A daicho. The hilt of the sword is 5 inches long with a black ray-skin under the hilt-wrapping, which is dark blue. The cross-guard is circular, with a picture of multiple lightning bolts engraved into it. The blade of the sword is 8 inches long, coming out of a black collar. The sheath is dark blue, with the kanji for "lightning" printed on the up-facing part in black color.

Shikai:

Spoiler:

Appearance of Shikai: Same daicho as the Sealed state, except with a slightly wider and 1 and half inch longer dark blue blade coming out of a fitting-sized black collar; the guard and hilt are also slightly enlarged to accommodate for the change in the size of the blade and collar.

The sword is worn on the back, encased in its sheath. The sheath is still of a dark blue color, with the same kanji on it that it had in Sealed Form.

Abilities of Shikai: This Zanpakutō has the power to control lightning and electricity. The blade can be coated in a powerful torrent of black and dark blue (as an outline) lightning. The amount of lightning, as well as the wattage, voltage, and amp measurements can be controlled at will.

Ability 1: Kokurai Dageki [黒雷 あてみ] (Black Lightning Strike): The black lightning mentioned above can either be held on the blade to power the sword swings up with a strong electric charge, or it can be shot at the opponent in however many powerful, huge tendrils of black lightning as I want.

Should the opponent try to block with a bladed or otherwise metallic weapon made of a good conductive material, the said conductive material will act as a lightning rod instead and shock the opponent, so if ever possible, it is better dodge the attacks than to try to block them.

Ability 1b: Kokurai Dageki Jitai no Ni: Kuroi Arashi [黒雷 あてみ 代表 二: 黒嵐] (Black Lightning Strike Type 2: Black Storm): With this ability, Kokurairyū creates powerful, violent thunderstorms with black lightning, spreading over a 1/3 mile radius around both me and the opponent in all directions (proportionately gets bigger as needed when fighting multiple opponents).

Bankai:

Spoiler:

Name of Bankai: Kokurairyū no Kenshi [黒雷龍 の 剣士] (Dark Lightning Dragon the Master Swordsman)

Appearance of Bankai: In Bankai, the Zanpakutō splits into four parts; two gauntlets that reach up the elbows and two boots that reach up to the knees (these replace the brown samurai-style shoes the Shinigami normally wear). The gauntlets and boots are both dark blue. On the inner part, which is in contact with me, the gauntlets and boots are smooth and firm, comfortable, but on the outside, the part that is not touching me, they are constantly covered in black lightning (the same black lightning with a dark blue outline).

The Bankai also gives the wielder a black samurai outfit similar to the one the Spirit wears in Bankai form. The same sword from the Shikai can be summoned in Bankai, though the sword is now made of electrically charged reishi that are compressed and condensed at the cutting edge and tip, as well as moving at constant high-speeds, to make the blade razor sharp; it is sharper than it was in Shikai.

Abilities of Bankai: The same abilities from the Shikai are carried over and powered up by 10fold. In Bankai, this Zanpakutō also has the ability to attract to the lightning coating of the sword a little over half of the electrons in the surrounding atmosphere that are within a 3 to 4 mile radius of me. I can fire the electricity generated this way either from mid-air and/or wherever it was to begin with, or from the sword after having attracted it.

This Bankai has two additional attacks;
Attack 1: Kansei no Shokku [抑 の 打 (Shock Control)]: This ability allows me to, when my fist or blade (when the sword has been summoned) is in contact with the opponent's body, send electrical shocks into said opponent's body and into their brain, in order to gain a degree of control over their body through the nervous system in order to immobilize them for 2-3 seconds or more, depending on how much reiatsu I use and how strong my will and reiatsu are compared to theirs.

Attack 2: Kuroi Enerugii Wakiokoru [黒 エネルギー 劈く(Dark Energy Burst)]: This attack temporarily turns my body into one made of black lightning (hence the "dark energy" part), and the mobility is enhanced so it goes up to lightning speeds. As it's a Shinigami that is using the ability, the conversion from spirit particles to pure lightning doesn't hurt me.

I'll re-post those suggestions I posted here before for this Zanpakutou, after you or someone else has critted it up to here. It'll also change the "stuff" the blade is made of Shikai, while also making it so that the sword is always there in Bankai rather than having to be summoned. I'll run it through the Guild again before putting it in (I won't if it's rejected, though).

[thikingofhearts]

Your King has returned and as always.... Crits are in Blue

Originally Posted by Bankai - Ichigo

It can be used to fight Arrancar as well, but yeah, that's still a limitation. Do consider that a bit more. Electromagnetism itself I don't think is too "out there" for the Bleach Realm, just do something to it that would let be useful against non-Arrancarized Hollows, too. As for that barrier you mentioned that stops all electromagnetic waves, wouldn't it get in the way of your Zanpakutou's ability if you were to do that? I don't really like that.

Anyways, Master ZanSmiths, I've got my (new?) Zanpakutou. The name might make you cringe and/or shout "cliche!" before you read further on, so be warned. Anyways . . . here:

Spoiler:

Name: Kokurairyuu [黒雷龍 (Dark Lightning Dragon (lit. "Black Lightning Dragon"))

This isn't a big deal, but the name doesn't strike me much. The best Zan names tell you probably nothing about the Zan or are ambiguous. How about Faded Lightning? Or Serpentine/Black Lightning Dancer? Just a thought tho.

Type: Lightning/Electricity - Full-time Shikai type

Constant release type is the general term here

Realm and Spirit:

Spoiler:

The Realm of Kokurairyuu is a huge, wide, endless, flat plane shrouded in darkness, as it is always nighttime there. There is a faint, eerie glow however, to make it at least a little easier to see. This inner world is almost always ravaged by strong, violent gales and thunderstorms with black and dark blue (dark-blue outline) lightning. That lightning itself is Kokurairyuu and he is everywhere within this Realm, as an almost omnipresent being. (Note: I got the idea to make the Spirit be like this from looking at Raijin, the god of thunder, lightning, and storms in Japanese mythology and Shintoism [I know the form is nothing like his, but at least the storm, thunder, and lightning bits are there]).

I'm cool with this part.

As he is made purely of lightning, he is actually able to take virtually any form he wants to (note: this ability does not translated into Shikai or Bankai; it is Kokurairyuu's power alone). Whenever I go into my inner world outside of Bankai, Kokurairyuu would take the form of a huge, magnificent black dragon that seems to be made of black lightning with a dark blue outline. In dragon form, he chooses the form of an Eastern-style Dragon; image (imagine him as made purely of black and blue lightning):

Spoiler:

Again, dragon is kinda overused, but no quarrels here.

According to Kokurairyuu himself, he mostly stays in his dragon form, hence his name; whenever he is in this form, though there are still violent winds and rain in the Realm, there is no longer any thunder or lightning (this is why I say that the inner world is "almost always" ravaged by strong, violent winds and thunderstorms). He can create a powerful barrier with his reiatsu that the winds and rain can't penetrate, which he always does whenever I'm there, so that we can carry out conversations in peace.

When we spar, he takes the form of a man wielding a sword that looks the same as his Shikai sword form, so that when I visit the inner world in Bankai, there is a noticeable change in the inner world to represent that, and that is the complete lack of thunderstorms due to the fact that, in Bankai, he is permanently in his "human" form, as a master swordsman Spirit that is 6ft in height, has almost no weight due to being lightning, and blue eyes and blue-black hair that reaches down to his waist, hanging loose (untied). In his "human" form, he is dressed in a black samurai get-up, but barefoot. Kokurairyuu is ancient himself, but his "human" form looks to still be in his 20s, and is also seemingly lean and well-built.

Sealed Form (before its name was called): A nodachi. The hilt of the sword is 4 inches long with a black ray-skin under the hilt-wrapping, which is dark blue. The cross-guard is circular, with a picture of multiple thunder bolts engraved into it. The blade of the sword is 7 inches long, coming out of a black collar. The sheath is dark blue, with the kanji for "lightning" printed on the up-facing part in black color.

I would like a simpler design for the sealed from. Sealed forms are to confuse the enemy before "OH SHIT" moment when its released. But its a constant release type correct?

Shikai:

Spoiler:

Appearance of Shikai: Same nodachi as the Sealed state, except with a slightly wider and 1 and half inch longer dark blue blade coming out of a fitting-sized black collar; the guard is also slightly enlarged to accommodate for the change the size of the blade and collar, and the necessary changes are also made to the part of the hilt connected to the cross-guard to make it work. It would normally be heavier and harder to wield easily, but as it is my Zanpakutou, and therefore a part of me, it feels light as a feather in my hands.

The sword is worn on the back, encased in a sheath made specifically to fit the blade. The sheath is of a dark blue color still, with same kanji on it that it had in Sealed Form.

Works for me. If you don't want to carry it on the back, but want to still carry it around try on the belt since its a short sword. No sheath though... you will not need it.

Abilities of Shikai: This Zanpakutou the power to control lightning and electricity. The blade can be coated in a powerful torrent of black and dark blue (as an outline) lightning. The amount of lightning, as well as the wattage, voltage, and amp measurements can be controlled at will.

Note: Remember... lightning is badass BUT can go haxxed very quickly if you amp it up too much. The second you mention an element you have to limit it in shikai

Ability 1: Kokurai Dageki [黒雷 あてみ] (Black Lightning Strike): The black lightning mentioned above can either be held on the blade to power the sword swings up with a strong electric charge, or it can be shot at the opponent in however many powerful, huge tendrils of black lightning as I want.

Should the opponent try to block with a bladed or otherwise metallic weapon made of a good conductive material, the said conductive material will act as a lightning rod instead and electrocute the opponent, so if ever possible, it is better dodge the attacks than to try to block them.

This Zanpakutou also has the ability to attract to the lightning coating of the sword any and all electrons in the surrounding atmosphere, as well as anywhere else that electrons can be. It is also possible to electrically charge any particles or molecules that are not normally electrically charged, and use those, such as reishi, air molecules, etc. I can also choose to fire the electricity generated this way while it is still in the air, without having to get it onto the sword.

Lightning armor should be saved for the bankai. However the recharge ability is fine with me but the coating is too much for shikai. It cool... but belongs in a bankai OR secondary release.

Ability 1b: Kokurai Dageki Jitai no Ni: Kuroi Arashi [黒雷 あてみ 代表 二: 黒嵐] (Black Lightning Strike Type 2: Black Storm): With this ability, Kokurairyuu creates powerful, violent thunderstorms with black lightning, spreading over a 30 mile radius around both me and the opponent in all directions (gets bigger as needed when fighting multiple opponents). The storm doesn't hurt me as long as I hold on to Kokurairyuu's body, but everyone else is fair game (you may think that the opponent could escape the torments of the storm by holding onto the body of Kokurairyuu, but . . . well, let's just say they'll probably be begging for mercy afterwords; Kokurairyuu is a part of me, not them). [He is based off of Raijin, so that is why he can do this.]

Remember, don't mention bleach characters!! And the radius is toooooo wide for shikai! cut it down to about 2 kilometers. The storm should also be able to be focused on a limited point. As in... it can affect 2 kilometers BUT if I really wanna f*ck some stuff up I can make it affect a pinpoint area!

Bankai:

Spoiler:

Name of Bankai: Kokurairyuu no Kenshi [黒雷龍 の 剣士] (Dark Lightning Dragon the Master Swordsman)

Meh... Bankai name leaves a little to be desired. But nothing major again. You should let the name blossom more.

Appearance of Bankai: In Bankai, the Zanpakutou splits into four parts; two gauntlets that reach up the elbows and two boots that reach up to the knees (these replace the brown samurai-style shoes the Shinigami normally wear). The gauntlets and boots are both dark blue. On the inner part, which is in contact with me, the gauntlets and boots are smooth and firm, comfortable, but on the outside, the part that is not touching me, they are constantly covered in black lightning (the same black lightning with a dark blue outline).

Boots and gauntlets are overdone at times. With this lightning Zan you can let your mind wander. Make the bankai a giant cloud/constant lightning storm and you control the lighning bolts! Or a lightning bolt wraps around your right arm and that becomes the new blade. Then it can vary with your thoughts! Just an idea however.

The Bankai also gives the wielder a black samurai outfit similar to the one the Spirit wears in Bankai form. The same sword from the Shikai can be summoned in this form, though the sword is now made of electrically charged reishi that are compressed and condensed at the cutting edges, as well as moving at constant high-speeds, to make the blade razor sharp; it is sharper than it was in Shikai.

Bankai clothing shouldn't overtake an individual's native clothes. I think incorporating samurai with your own attire would be better.

Abilities of Bankai: The same abilities from the Shikai are carried over and powered up by 10fold. It is now much easier and simpler to generate electricity using the Kokurai Dageki move, though it is uses up a little more reiatsu now, and there is also a lot more lightning and electricity that can be generated and either held onto the blade or fired from mid-air.

This Bankai has two additional attacks;
Attack 1: Kansei no Shokku [抑 の 打 (Shock Control)]: This ability allows me to, when my fist or blade (when the sword has been summoned) is in contact with the opponent's body, send electrical shocks into said opponent's body and into their brain, in order to gain a degree of control over their body through the nervous system. It is impossible to gain full control, as they have their own will which can resist the effects of this technique if their will and reiatsu is strong enough, but depending on how strong or how much stronger (than theirs) my own reiatsu and will are, I can still exert a possibly high level of control over them.

Not bad. I can see it being used to gain temporary advantage over an opponent. HOW ABOUT... in the shikai have a MINIMAL ability like this? temporary loss of control of a single body part with a focused shock?

Attack 2: Kuroi Enerugii Wakiokoru [黒 エネルギー 劈く(Dark Energy Burst)]: This is an extremely risky attack that acts as a double-edged sword; it temporarily turns my body into one made of black lightning (hence the "dark energy" part), and the mobility is enhanced so it goes up to lightning speeds. As it's a Shinigami that is using the ability, the risk doesn't come from the speed or the conversion from spirit particles to pure energy; where the risk really comes from is the lightning itself, as the lightning is hurting me, and the longer it stays active, the riskier it is.

Don't like the Zan attacking/hurting the user concept. I tried it and the ZanSmiths ate me alive at the time. Besides that I think instead of becoming the energy.... use the lightning armor ability you spoke of in the shikai.

When used while the "Type 2" of Kokurai Dageki is in use, it is possible to override and nullify the drawback of this technique by becoming part of the storm. This can be done because I'm able to hold onto that storm and, with Kokurairyuu no Kenshi's help, safe-guard my well-being and sustain the lightning form, both at the same time.

Alright, crit away.

I did! Keep working on it. - TKH

Edit: Fixed some things in the wording. I recommend reading the whole thing again, for anyone who'd already read it when it was first posted. [Sometime after making these edits to this post, I'd also noticed some mistakes with the wording in the Sealed State and Shikai appearance descriptions, so I had to go back and fix those as well.]

I'm also considering adding something to the Shikai and Bankai abilities about which I've PM'd OG, Goroth, Hisagi_Chan, and Thikingofhearts. I don't want to repeat the whole thing again, though, so I won't post it here.

[Bankai - Ichigo]

Look up, please.

But other than that . . . I'll still answer; The gauntlets and boots idea is something I hold close to me, so I'd hate to scrap it. And about the Sealed Form being mentioned even though it's a Constant Release Type: I was thinking that it'd have been sealed for some time before having its name called. That's why I thought up a Sealed Form. I did think up a Release Command though, and I've run it through someone at Mangahelpers who knows Japanese. The main reason I went with Constant Release was that I couldn't think of a working Release Command that I could translate into Japanese.

The electron attraction ability was moved to Bankai, but before that it was toned down a bit to Shikai levels. I'll power it back up to what could be thought of as Bankai level, though, later.

If the lightning coating is really too much for Shikai, I could just make the lightning come out of the blade as needed; as a short-range shock attack during swings, and a long-range lighting attack when attacking from a distance. But as I said in my previous post, I'm already thinking of moving the Storm attack to Bankai completely.

I'll re-post those suggestions for this that I mentioned when talking to Sessou about this.

Spoiler:

Sealed State: will stay as a daicho, same appearance and size, but I'll just say that, for a reason that remained unknown until I found out its name and released it, it was really light despite its size. Take out all the conflicting bits in that as well.

Shikai: Form and shape will stay the same, except the build/make will be as follows (this will explain why it's light): the blade is made out of the spirit particles of a special electrically conductive metal/steel (whichever one is better for a blade and can be made more conductive easily--not really sure here if it should be a type of steel or a type of metal) that has also been tampered with to be especially light, but still be able to hold firm and cut its intended target(s). As it's a Zanpakutou, channeling my reiatsu and focusing my resolve and/or killing intent will enforce the blade so it can't break easily unless my resolve is weak or when I'm near death/dying. Blade's metal/steel reishi are also charged with electrical charges, negative on the side facing me, and positive on the cutting edge side, and the two charges are separated by the blade's ridge but can be joined at the tip of the blade and then fired, or they can be kept separate when I want to shoot positive and negative lightning separately. Faint sounds of sparks or electrical current flowing can be heard from the blade.

Due to the light weight of the sword, there's a passive ability that the Zanpakutou has in Shikai; "Lightning Steps". Kokurairyuu sends lightning to my feet to add the speed of lightning to my normal running speed (I use spiritual energy focused at my feet, normally, when I run while in my Shinigami form, and this "Lightning Step" ability gives lightning-speed boosts to that). I can't use Shunpo with Lighting Steps.

Because the blade is practically made of lighting (in a sense), I can send tiny electrical shocks to the opponent to stop the movement of one of their limbs. If the opponent is on the same level as me or just 5x more powerful, it'll work more effectively, but if the opponent is any more powerful, it'll be possible for them to resist the effects if they have a strong enough will power and/or can flex their reiatsu to break free. Even if the more powerful foe doesn't do either of those, the effects will still only last for a very limited time compared to when it's used against a weaker opponent. Static electricity can also be used with this ability, for the "stickiness" effect rather than lightning (the Zanpakutou is using lightning for most of its attacks anyway, and that is essentially just a static electricity discharge).

Bankai: Same as now, pretty much, except I'll add to it the stuff I'd take out of Shikai and move to Bankai, and the gauntlets and boots are now also made of the same material as the blade in Shikai, and tampered with the same way as well. The sword will be constantly there instead of needing to be summoned, too. When Kokurairyuu is mad enough that the lightning could hurt me, the defensive mechanism for protecting me that activates will create an insulated material under the gauntlets boots so that the lightning can't get to me, which will go away once Kokurairyuu calms down.

Lightning Steps can, of course, also be used, though the boost is greater. In Shikai, I could move 5x faster than lightning even without Shunpo (and I of course still can't use Shunpo with it), but in Bankai, that amount is doubled. It's possible to use Shunpo with Lightning Steps when "Dark Energy Burst" is active. It's taxing to use Shunpo with it though, as using it will make it so that I can't use Lightning Steps again for 5 minutes or more, depending on how long I kept the ability up for while using Shunpo+Lightning Steps.

Spoiler:

I could also make the Shikai only have electrical/lightning type attacks that are close- to mid-range, with Bankai magnifying the scope and giving me mid- to long-range attacks, and allowing me to also use the Shikai attacks as long-range ones when needed. I'll bring in the concept of AC and DC power, if I can get help as to how I could work that into a Zanpakutō, and also the concept of "electrical feedback" (getting hurt by the shock from my own lightning, which would lessen to the point of being almost non-existent in Bankai). In Bankai, I'm also thinking of being able to control the path of the current in my ranged attacks, to make it attack any and/or every which way possible/imaginable, and to also make it attack from multiple different directions at once if and/or whenever needed.

I'm thinking of also making an attack in Bankai that would turn the blade into pure lightning (it wouldn't be just conductive material reishi with an electric charge anymore, it'd actually become nothing but pure electrons and protons, to make it possible for me to have more lightning on the sword) and control the path of that lightning, to make it attack the opponent. I could add this attack or not, but either way, the Bankai would still have a lot more lightning compared to the Shikai, as the sword's blade in Bankai would have a stronger electrical charge and potential voltage to begin with.

I hope I don't have to scrap the whole thing because of the similarities with other Zanpakutō; it can hopefully pass with some work. I guess we'll see.

If the "electrical feedback" concept shouldn't be there, let me know.

Hope it's not too much read.

Edit: I still hadn't updated the version of the Zanpakutou that I have in my Sig, so I'll bring that in here, incorporate OG's crit into it, and move the Storm move to Bankai. Among other changes/subtractions that I can think of.

Spoiler:

Name: Kokurairyū [黒雷龍 (Dark Lightning Dragon (lit. "Black Lightning Dragon"))
Type: Lightning/Electricity - Constant Release Type

Realm and Spirit:

Spoiler:

The Realm of Kokurairyū is a huge, wide, endless plain covered with countless craters, gashes, and burn-marks, while also being shrouded in darkness, as it is always nighttime there. There is a faint, eerie glow however, to make it at least a little easier to see. This inner world is almost always ravaged by strong, violent gales and thunderstorms with black and dark blue (dark-blue outline) lightning. That lightning itself is Kokurairyū and he is everywhere within this Realm, as an almost omnipresent being.

As he is made purely of lightning, he is actually able to take virtually any form he wants to (note: this ability does not translated into Shikai or Bankai; it is Kokurairyū's power alone). Whenever I go into my inner world outside of Bankai, Kokurairyū would take the form of a huge, magnificent black dragon that seems to be made of black lightning with a dark blue outline. In dragon form, he chooses the form of an Eastern-style Dragon; image (imagine him as made purely of black and blue lightning):

Spoiler:

According to Kokurairyū himself, he mostly stays in his dragon form, hence his name. Whenever he is in this form, though there are still violent winds and rain in the realm, there is no longer any thunder or lightning, as it comes from within him.

The lightning from this Zanpakutō's attacks won't hut me unless Kokurairyū is angry, in which case the lighting would hurt me. But when that happens, since Kokurairyū himself would die as well if I were to die, a defense mechanism in his mind activates and creates a temporary barrier of lightning around me to protect from any other of Kokurairyū's lightning that might harm me. Once he calms down, he immediately goes back to making his lightning unable to hurt me, but instead work with me to give me more power, and the "lightning barrier" deactivates.

When we spar, he takes the form of a man wielding a sword that looks the same as his Shikai sword form, and when I visit the inner world in Bankai, there is a noticeable change in the inner world to represent that: the complete lack of thunderstorms due to the fact that, in Bankai, he is permanently in his "human" form, as a master swordsman Spirit that is 6ft in height, has almost no weight due to being lightning, and blue eyes and blue-black hair that reaches down to his waist, hanging loose (untied). In his "human" form, he is dressed in a black samurai get-up, but barefoot. Kokurairyū is ancient himself, but his "human" form looks to still be in his 20s, and is also seemingly lean and well-built.

Sealed Form (before its name was called): A daicho. The hilt of the sword is 5 inches long with a black ray-skin under the hilt-wrapping, which is dark blue. The cross-guard is circular, with a picture of multiple lightning bolts engraved into it. The blade of the sword is 8 inches long, coming out of a black collar. The sheath is dark blue, with the kanji for "lightning" printed on the up-facing part in black color.

Shikai:

Spoiler:

Appearance of Shikai: Same daicho as the Sealed state, except with a slightly wider and 1 and half inch longer dark blue blade coming out of a fitting-sized black collar; the guard is also slightly enlarged to accommodate for the change in the size of the blade and collar.

The sword is worn on the back, encased in its sheath. The sheath is still of a dark blue color, with the same kanji on it that it had in Sealed Form.

Abilities of Shikai: This Zanpakutō has the power to control lightning and electricity. The blade can be coated in a powerful torrent of black and dark blue (as an outline) lightning. The amount of lightning, as well as the wattage, voltage, and amp measurements can be controlled at will.

Ability 1: Kokurai Dageki [黒雷 あてみ] (Black Lightning Strike): The black lightning mentioned above can either be held on the blade to power the sword swings up with a strong electric charge, or it can be shot at the opponent in however many powerful, huge tendrils of black lightning as I want.

Should the opponent try to block with a bladed or otherwise metallic weapon made of a good conductive material, the said conductive material will act as a lightning rod instead and shock the opponent, so if ever possible, it is better dodge the attacks than to try to block them.

Bankai:

Spoiler:

Name of Bankai: Kokurairyū no Kenshi [黒雷龍 の 剣士] (Dark Lightning Dragon the Master Swordsman)

Appearance of Bankai: In Bankai, the Zanpakutō splits into four parts; two gauntlets that reach up the elbows and two boots that reach up to the knees (these replace the brown samurai-style shoes the Shinigami normally wear). The gauntlets and boots are both dark blue. On the inner part, which is in contact with me, the gauntlets and boots are smooth and firm, comfortable, but on the outside, the part that is not touching me, they are constantly covered in black lightning (the same black lightning with a dark blue outline).

The Bankai also gives the wielder a black samurai outfit similar to the one the Spirit wears in Bankai form. The same sword from the Shikai can be summoned in Bankai, though the sword is now made of electrically charged reishi that are compressed and condensed at the cutting edge and tip, as well as moving at constant high-speeds, to make the blade razor sharp; it is sharper than it was in Shikai.

Abilities of Bankai: The same abilities from the Shikai are carried over and powered up by 10fold. It is now much easier and simpler to generate electricity using the Kokurai Dageki move, while I also now have ability to attract to the lightning coating of the sword any and all electrons in the surrounding atmosphere, as well as anywhere else that electrons can be, within a 3-4 mile radius of me; atoms can be ionized as needed, as well. I can also choose to fire the electricity generated this way from where it was to begin with, without having to get it onto the sword.

This Bankai has three additional attacks;
Attack 1: Kansei no Shokku [抑 の 打 (Shock Control)]: This ability allows me to, when my fist or blade (when the sword has been summoned) is in contact with the opponent's body, send electrical shocks into said opponent's body and into their brain, in order to gain a degree of control over their body through the nervous system in order to immobilize them for 2-3 seconds or more, depending on how much reiatsu I use and how strong my will and reiatsu are compared to theirs.

Attack 2: Kuroi Enerugii Wakiokoru [黒 エネルギー 劈く(Dark Energy Burst)]: This is an attack that temporarily turns my body into one made of black lightning (hence the "dark energy" part), and the mobility is enhanced so it goes up to lightning speeds. As it's a Shinigami that is using the ability, there is no pain or risk involved other than the risk from potentially using up too much reiatsu.

Attack 3: Kokurai Dageki Jitai no Ni: Kuroi Arashi [黒雷 あてみ 代表 二: 黒嵐] (Black Lightning Strike Type 2: Black Storm): With this ability, Kokurairyū creates powerful, violent thunderstorms with black lightning, spreading over a 30 mile radius around both me and the opponent in all directions (gets bigger as needed when fighting multiple opponents).

I've moved the Storm move to Bankai, with the 30 mile radius range. The ability to attract electrons is also in Bankai now, but it's limited to a 2-3 mile radius and I am still able to attract any and all electrons from wherever they can be (within that range). I can ionize atoms as needed. Since it's a Bankai I made it very powerful while still trying to keep a limit. The risk from the Dark Energy Burst move is gone, and so is the ability to merge with the Storm move. It's still pretty much the same as in my previous post, just maybe a bit less haxx in Shikai.