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[OminousG]

Noroi_musha's Kaguro (black fire)

Originally Posted by Noroi_musha

Name: Kaguro (black fire)

Spoiler:

You'll notice I took the liberty to move your spirit and realm info before the physical details of the zanpakuto. This is mainly recommended to keep the lore or "mythos" of the sword in mind as we crit. Otherwise, things don't match until you tie them up at the end when we get to the details to help it "make sense."

Spirit:

Spoiler:

A black-winged angel with an enormous wingspan that could easily conceal himself. He wears a form-fitting dark blue robe with decorative red edges that appears to be made of silk (similar to the Bankai) with long sleeves that usually hide his hands and completely conceals his feet, giving him a truly majestic appearance. He has long, messy black hair that reaches past his shoulders with two large strands framing his face and a large red scarf that hides half his face, only showing his green eyes. He has ghostly pale skin with long blood-red talon-like nails. Interestingly, on each wing, four feathers are larger than the rest, hanging further and evenly spaced apart with a blue glowing runic symbol emblazoned on the end (the same runes as the Bankai's blade).

Personality

Spoiler:

Kaguro is a very stoical and quiet spirit, rarely showing emotion if at all. He usually acts like a guiding light, encouraging me to go above and beyond to achieve my potential. He is almost always seen floating and with his hands in his sleeves, like one does with kimono sleeves and rarely blinks. His voice is quiet and calm.

No critique here as this information is very solid. The only thing I'd recommend is to reduce your wording down as much as possible. Always remember the reader's attention has to last you throughout the entire sword's layout.

Inner World

Spoiler:

A city floating high in the sky that combines an elaborate marble citadel with futuristic designs, such as transparent walkways and hovering open-air elevators. Various vegetation such as vines, trees, and moss appear to infest the entire city with varying levels of growth. Elegant stone fountains, artistic statues, and gothic architectures complete the city's aesthetics, making it also like a museum. Well done creating a unique world.

Sealed:

Spoiler:

A standard-sized katana with a dark blue hilt and sheath. It has a square silver guard with the corners protruding out in a triangular fashion. Describe standard sized katana. Kantana generally ranged from 18-24 inches long. That's a huge standard. Details, details will only help you in the long run.

Shikai

Spoiler:

The release command is "Transcend". To activate, the sealed sword is resheathed before declaring the release, then unsheathing it, accompanied by a blue, flame-like burst upon release. The blade is now much longer (approx. 5 feet) Oh you can list length here? btw, a 60inch blade in shikai is going to be extremely large and unwieldy in close combat. But to each their own. Carry on I guess. with a crystalline texture surrounded by a black, flame-like aura. The hilt is also changed, having a silver skull attached to the pommel and red cloth strips wrapped around the handle. The guard remains the same. Beautiful description here. Your imagery is solid and to the point. Resheathing it returns it to it's sealed state. Kaguro is a dark-type zanpakuto. all in all not bad.
Abilities:

Spoiler:

Chaotic Rip - By swinging the sword, a wave of reiatsu is released that leaves a trail of distortion, capable of cleaving through solid stone. lol wth? NIOCE.

Chaotic Sunder - A multiplied version of Chaotic Rip where a barrage of sword waves are released to demolish the target. This I like as well.

Dark Star - By plunging the blade into the ground, five giant, heavily-curved, bluish-black energy blades burst around me from the ground before slamming the ground outward. This technique, while stylish, doesn't fit with what we know about the zan. With a name like "Black Fire", just how does this coincide? This was reminiscent of his claws. It took a while for me to get the whole 5 sword = 5 fingers thing. But it fits especially with the spirit info FIRST, as noted at the beginning of the critique.

Absolute Emptiness - By adopting a pierce stance, bluish-black reiatsu surrounds the blade, resembling a lance. By thrusting forward, the reiatsu near-instantaneously extends to 10 meters, impaling the target. IMO, the name doesn't fit. This is more descriptive of a "flare" from the flames (black fire, per se'). "Absolute Emptiness" sounds awkward.

Bankai

Spoiler:

Maken Kaguro (demon blade black fire): When activated, a column of bluish-black reiatsu is released before a sonic boom dispels it, revealing my Bankai form. The sword has thickened to resemble an over-sized single-edged crystalline bluish broadsword with the hilt evened with the blunt end. The handle and pommel remain the same as in Shikai, although the guard has vanished. Along the length of the blade on one side are four runic symbols that emit a cyan glow. In addition, my Bankai adorns me with a high-collared, dark-blue overcoat with red edges and an open front with a silk-like texture that stops just below my knees. The coat is split into four coattails, similar to insect wings Kaguro's feathers. This coat is surprisingly durable, acting like lightweight armor. You always want to draw the reader's attention back to the foundation of your zan at all times. Even though these coat tails may not be exactly like feathers per se'; keep their attention on what you've already established so you can point them where you are going with unmistakeable precision.
Abilities

Spoiler:

Maken Kaguro enhances all of it's former Shikai abilities with a bluish-black reiatsu.

Devil Rip - The true form of Chaotic Rip, capable of bisecting reinforced steel with ease. awesome way to touch up a simple technique in bankai.

Devil Sunder - The true form of Chaotic Sunder which in addition to Devil Rip's potential of each slash, can repel most incoming attacks that are in it's path. Again, no critique needed here.

Black Thorn - By stabbing the ground with my Bankai, a single giant blade impales any enemy within 10 meters before exploding in a burst of reiatsu. Simple and highly effective. Vague enough to keep everyone guessing if it could be hax. Well done.
Absolute Despair - Reiatsu gathers into the blade, engulfing it in a blue flame. This temporarily enhances the physical attacks of my sword to the maximum, distorting the air with each swing. At any time, the flames can be fired from the blade by using Absolute Emptiness, incinerating the target. Ugh, I hate the names of these two techniques. I get it that despair and emptiness go hand and hand, but those words don't fit in the flow of the zan. Maybe its just me. Do as you wish.
Dying Sun - Maken Kaguro's strongest technique. The energy from one of the runic charges is gathered onto the tip of the blade, creating a giant black plasma coil. The sphere is then fired at the target and, upon contact with the target's reiatsu, instantly expands to the size of a Gillian. Gravity then causes the colossal sphere to slowly sink and grind into the ground, leaving a steep, smouldering crater in it's wake. Once the bottom reaches 1000 meters, the sphere then erupts, sending a column of bluish-black reiatsu into the sky. This technique cannot be used if no runic charges are present and need 24 hours to completely recharge if all four charges are used. Good job on the technique name here... but there are a few things that need clarifying. 1) You need to explain somewhere in bankai how your sword charges. 2) You do realize how deep a 1000 meter crater would be right??? 3280 feet! Roughly 3/5 of a mile deep! THAT IS HAX. How about 1/4 a mile deep? That's 1320 feet. Much more believable in my opinion for you causing an explosion that would rupture solid earth.

You other three will come tomorrow. I'm sleepy. lol.

Zero, it took me like 3 months to do my zan and I'm still not finished I feel. Wait for it.

[Noroi_musha]

Thx for the crit, OG. I'll make some adjustments and probably remove the two techniques that didn't get as good a crit as the other two. Maybe I'll make a move that makes the wielder think before using it and puts a heavy restriction on Dying Sun (I'll change the depth as you said as well).

Expect a revision soon. I've got an idea to test out in it as well.

[OminousG]

ShivaDark19

Spoiler:

Originally Posted by ShivaDark19

I think my zanpakuto would look like my actual sword (black and red ribbons woven around the handle), beaten and chipped in it's sealed form. In it's shikai form it would look like a shortsword with a crimson blade. It would be a kido type zanpakuto, that could drive a person crazy. That's all I can think of so far.

Kool concept. I'm interested in seeing what you come up with to go with this concept. The whole idea of creating a zan can be intimidating, given everything that could go into it. Check out the first post in this thread for guidance and as always if you have any questions, let us know.

hellfire345's jigoku no akumu (hells nightmare)

Originally Posted by hellfire345

Welcome back, now lets get down to business.
jigoku no akumu (hells nightmare)

Spoiler:

sealed

Spoiler:

The look of a black leather sheath with a steel double edged katana. Nice deviation from tradition here as most katana are single edged blades. The hilt decoration is a sun and a moon facing each other with black onyx set into the guard. The sun and moon are silver and gold; each with one eye and one piece of a mouth that connects together.
33 inch long blade

Very detailed subscription, nicely done. Fix all those damn grammatical errors, lol.

my inner world

Spoiler:

the innerworld is basically a huge forest filled with a never ending canopy of trees. As you get closer to the center, it changes into a desert, and then a crater filled with blazing heat. In the middle is Jigoku.

Their personalities are very strange. Jigoku is centered around strength and power, always pushing me to train and become stronger. While Akumu is about stealth and wanting me to observe my enemy before I attack. They often get into arguments about strategy and such

shikai activation

Spoiler:

The look of this sword after is about a 2 foot wide blade now.
Release: your time is now Jigoku no Akumu.
If I choose Jigoku to help, a fissure opens up were the blade touches the ground and barbed chains shoot out and rip chunks of flesh out of their body. While if i choose Akumu they start seeing there loved ones slaughtered around them.

bankai

Spoiler:

Akai jigoku kuro akumu:red hell black nightmare

Upon activation two skeletal hands come up and close around me when they open my armour is now made of bones tightly moved together to create a set of armour. It mimics my body's skeletal structure except more tightly interwoven with plates over the abdomen and uncovered parts of the back and sides and neck.


The sword basically becomes a huge double headed scythe with two chains coming down with the decorations of the sun and moon.

In bankai form, I can take the scythe’s weights and connect them together, making them form another blade.

also bankai is the only time when it stops arguing with its other head and works together as one.

bankai test

Spoiler:

while most soul reapers had to fight their zanpakuto into submission, i did not. i helped out Jigoku no Akumu by sorting out one of his many arguments and he gave me a gift as a sign of his friendship. He put his finger to my temple and caused horrible migraines coupled with hallucinations fatigue. The hallucinations showed people I cared for being slaughtered. The migraines felt like my head was being ripped apart and the fatigue made sure I couldn’t run from it. I had to stay and suffer through it. This all lasted about 3 weeks. I almost died from it.

vizard mask

Spoiler:

The mask resembles a human skull except with long curling rams horns coming out of the top and long fangs for the canine teeth.

The ability added in this attack is cero sobrevivientes (zero survivors).

The effect of this cero is it takes the user's reiastsu and turns it into a byproduct which rots the environment around it.
color: forest green

Man, if you don't correct every one of these grammatical errors, I promise to ignore your posts in this thread. Take the effort to use words, punctuation, and sentence structure properly. This should be something that is natural to do. Honestly, do you talk and convey ideas verbally using the same blatant disregard the way that you type? You make every thing you post HARD TO READ because it all RUNS TOGETHER. Stop that shit, and use spell check as well please. Ugh


Ten_no_Hikari, you're up next. Check back tomorrow.

[hellfire345]

sorry bout that omnius i don't remember haveing so many spelling errors i must have grabbed the post before the spelling was corrected

[ShivaDark19]

I've come up with more of a detailed idea. This is just an idea at the moment, it may change. Any suggestions would be really helpful as I'm stuck on some details.

The Name: Manic Melody (Soubyouno Merodii?).

Spoiler:

The Spirit:

Spoiler:

A stealthy woman that wears a black silk kimono with a sanguine floral pattern wrapping around the base of the kimono, snaking up the back and disappearing inside the left-hand sodegochi. It has long light brown hair (the shade of honey and wheat) worn loose. Her skin is as pale as snow.

The Personality:
When she appears to be very calm, she is actually at her angriest. A deceptive individual that always seems to know more they're showing. Often silent, her voice is a lure only to be heard whilst you're caught in her trap. Enjoys hiding

The Inner World:

Spoiler:

The inner world is an extremely large forest seemingly never-ending. You could climb to the top of the canopy and all you would see at the top is an endless sea of green.

Sealed:

Spoiler:

The sword in sealed form is a Tachi-type sword with red and black cloths woven around the grip and the sheath of the sword (the grip and sheath are made out of rich Japanese Teak). The hilt will be slightly damaged with a chip in the blade near it's base.

Shikai:

Spoiler:

The release command would be 'Awaken', sheathing the sword and crushing the sword's sheath into itself until it's no more than 60cm long, untying a stream of ribbons which was woven around it to reveal a Xiphos (An ancient Greek double-edged shortsword) with a sanguine blade and and the grip (still a dark shade of teak) has thorns woven around it and at the pommel a purple rose will bloom.

Spoiler:

Speak - Clutching the grip, now adorned with thorns, the hand bleeds as it's pierced by the thorns, blood drips down to the pommel and it is absorbed by the rose. The sanguine blade now poisons anything it cuts with a neurotoxin.
Sing - Pointing the blade at the target, a sound of soft laugher (reiatsu) is suddenly surrounding them. The target is paralysed from the sound, the laugher starts to become more manic and is slowly building up in frequency.
Scream - The laughter changes into a furious scream building until the noise becomes unbearable to the victim. The neurotoxin kicks in and the target starts to hallucinate that wild animals are approaching and are screaming at the target. They start to attack, the victim tries to fight them off

Bankai:
I can't think of anything decent yet.

[Noroi_musha]

Ok, since you approved the inner world and I'll need to try to make a few adjustments to bits and pieces, would it be alright if I put each part one at a time and, if you approve it, I'll update my sig regarding the zan as a reference until there's no further critique needed?

If so, I could post the sealed form right now since it only needed a measurement.

Sealed

Spoiler:

A standard katana with a 24" blade, a dark-blue handle and sheath. It has a square silver guard with the corners protruding out in a triangular fashion.

[OminousG]

Ten_no_Hikari's Hikari no Tenshi (Angel of Light) will have to wait a day longer. I'm at the halfway mark on reading the crit.

Shiva, I'll crit yours after Hikari's.

Noroi, we recommend posting all of it together, but what you've posted above is ok.

[Noroi_musha]

Thanks, OG. There's a storm over here, so I'll just post the Spirit before the power goes out.

Spirit

Spoiler:

Kaguro takes the form of a black-winged angel. He has ghostly pale skin, green eyes, and messy, black shoulder-length hair. He wears what appears to be a long Victorian robe made of dark-blue silk and the edges of decorative red cloth in addition of a red scarf that hides half of his face. Although he hides his hands under his large sleeves, he has long, blood-red nails resembling talons. His wings each have four large feathers hanging from the bottom evenly spaced apart. On the ends of each of these feathers is a glowing blue runic symbol.
Personality

Spoiler:

Kaguro's most profound trait is his eccentric love of art, no matter what form it takes. He believes that battles are a way for combatants to display their "true art" and as such is always eager to demonstrate his own powers. Outside of this, however, he acts in a serious manner.

EDIT: Okay, storm's over. Since OG already approved of two Shikai and Bankai abilities, these will be omitted. Please see sig for reference.

Shikai

Spoiler:

The release command is "Transcend". To release, the sealed form is first resheathed before declaring the release, then unsheathed in a surge of blue flames. The blade has greatly extended to 50" (just over 4 feet) and is now crystalline in appearance, surround by a black aura. The hilt has also changed to have a silver skull adornment on the pommel and the handle is now wrapped in red cloth. The guard remains unchanged. Despite it's large size, it's weight remains the same. Kaguro is a dark-type zanpakuto.
Abilities

Spoiler:

Bloody Raven - By channeling reiatsu into the blade, the black aura flares up and takes the shape of a large zweihander around the physical blade, increasing the blade's physical strength. This ability can only last for 10 minutes at a time and has no effect on it's other abilities.

Bankai: Maken Kaguro (demon blade black fire)

Spoiler:

Upon activation, a column of bluish-black reiatsu surrounds me before dispersing with a sonic boom, revealing the Bankai's form. The sword has transformed into a single-edged, crystalline broadsword with a bluish tint at 60" in length. Along the length of the blade are four glowing blue runic symbols called "charges" (the same runes on Kaguro's wings). The hilt remains the same as in Shikai, although it is level with the blunt end of the blade and the guard has vanished. In addition, an ankle-length, dark-blue silken coat with edges of red cloth is worn with the front completely open and four coattails resembling feathers at the bottom. The coat is highly durable, like lightweight armor.
Abilities

Spoiler:

Bloody Phoenix - By channeling reiatsu into the blade, the runes glow brighter and a bluish-black flame surrounds the blade. This flame allows each strike the ability to burn through flesh as it cuts and grants access to four additional abilities. Like Bloody Raven, this technique only lasts for 10 minutes at a time.
Dragon Splitter - Can only be used if Bloody Phoenix is active. By slamming the blade's edge onto the ground, a huge vertical wave of bluish-black reiatsu is released, tearing through the ground and anything in it's path.
Black Nova - Can only be used if Bloody Phoenix is active. By plunging the blade into the ground, a blue pentagram of a 10-foot radius is summoned on the ground. This pentagram then conjures a dome barrier of bluish-black reiatsu. Should this barrier be hit by an attack, not only would it be deflected, but the barrier would release it's energy as a bluish-black fireball as a counter attack.
Reaper Charge - Can only be used if Bloody Phoenix is active. This technique solidifies the flames in a similar manner to Bloody Raven, except it resembles an enormous scythe with large serrations along the outer side. In this state, Maken Kaguro's physical strength is enough to sear through all but the strongest of defenses. However, once Bloody Phoenix ends if this technique is used, Bloody Phoenix cannot be reactivated for 5 minutes.
Dying Sun - Can only be used if Bloody Phoenix is active and is Maken Kaguro's strongest technique. By pointing the blade at the target, the energy from a runic charge is gathered onto the tip, sacrificing a charge. The energy moulds itself into a large black sphere surging with energy like a plasma coil as it locks onto the target's reiatsu before being fired like a gun at high speed. If it makes physical contact with the target's reiatsu, it rapidly expands in place to the size of a Gillian. Gravity then takes effect, causing the colossal sphere to sink into the ground, burrowing through the earth and leaving a huge gaping crater in it's wake. Once the sphere reaches 1000 feet in depth, it erupts into the sky as a towering bluish-black inferno. If the sphere misses, it merely destabilizes into a sonic boom as it's true power reacts to external reiatsu. Should the final charge be used, Bloody Phoenix immediately disengages and cannot be used for 24 hours.

[OminousG]

after generous wait, Ten_no_Hikari's Hikari no Tenshi (Angel of Light)

Originally Posted by Ten_no_Hikari

Name: Hikari no Tenshi (Angel of Light)[sp]Type: Melee/Kido

Spirit Form:

Spoiler:

Hikari no Tenshi (known simply as "Tenshi" to me) is a tall and slender young woman with very light skin and long snowy white hair. The irises of her eyes are majestic gold, her pupils and sclera are white and a golden halo floats above her head. ok , Until now, I thought the cornea encompassed the sclera, as I had never heard of the term, lol. Educate me. Her body is toned and shaped like a swimsuit model. She wears a white leotard with an opening from just below her neck to just above her navel revealing her inner cleavage, a long white skirt with slits on both sides from the bottom up to just below her waist, a golden sash tied around her waist, sheer white thigh high stockings with gold trim, white shoes with straps that wrap around her calves and fasten below her knees. She is soft spoken and well-mannered, (Think Tsubaki from Soul Eater) however extremely focused, sharp and cunning in battle. Her fighting style is primarily Kenjutsu with some elements of Battojutsu. Here, I'd recommend not mentioning any source, inspiration, or similarity to any outside source. Although we all have them, remaining as discrete as possible on what influences or parallels your zanpakuto even in small similarity will help keep the originality 100% yours.

Inner World

Spoiler:

The ground is a sea of clouds and the sky is bright and endless, but the sun is absent so no shadows are ever produced. Whenever I enter my inner world Tenshi is found sitting very lady-like on a throne of clouds with her sword form in her lap. Behind her throne a golden castle can be seen in the distance. Ok so, cloud throne sitting on clouds. The sky above is bright and limitless with no specific light source. There's also a golden castle in the distance on clouds.

Sealed Form:

Spoiler:

Traditional Japanese Katana, 40" (29" Blade); The saya is black with an elegant cross engraved at the center on each side. The hilt of the sword is white Ray-Skin covered in black braid cord and the handguard is in the shape of a black cyclone. good description, no crit needed.

Shikai

Spoiler:

I can't draw so I'm using a modified version of my main CAS from Soul Calibur V. Tenshi Shikai No genuine issues here. I'd personally recommend reducing that picture and showcasing in your zan directly with the [img][/img] tags, but that is pure preference and it is not a requirement. Do as you wish

Shikai: Released with the command, "Shine, Hikari no Tenshi". The immense reiatsu that released upon activation destroys the right sleeve of my Shihakusho. <---good use of terms, btw. The sword grows to 48" (35" blade). The blade slightly straightens and becomes pure white. <--a thing rarely seen. Well done. The hilt is white Ray-Skin wrapped in white braid cord. The tsuba takes the shape of a golden halo and there's an ornament shaped like a pair of angel wings attached to the habaki. In addition the saya extends to fit the length of the Shikai blade and becomes white. The cross engraving is royal blue and gold. This is a very well done description. As is, its tuned to perfection. Good visual.

Abilities

Spoiler:

Hikari no Tenshi is a rather balanced zanpakuto, because it implies both direct attacks (melee) and support/defensive techniques (kido). oh yea?

Seiken (Sacred Sword) - Hikari no Tenshi's signature attack. It has three variations (two used in Shikai and one in Bankai). "Seiken" is single blue wave of spirit energy that's fired from the edge of the blade in the shape of a blade that explodes on contact with its target. meh, simple but effective.

Shin no Seiken (True Sacred Sword) - The second variation is an omni-directional attack used to counter being surrounded by opponents. Upon raising Hikari no Tenshi above my head and pointing it towards the sky, the blade begins to glow and ten white halo shaped waves of reiatsu erupt from the sword and expand towards my opponents cutting through everything within a 50m radius. Due to reiatsu consumption I can only use this variation once every 30 minutes. Given the ability of the attack, the frequency of use here thins it out well

Amenome (Heaven's Eye) - My only defensive technique. By sticking Hikari no Tenshi's saya into the ground I cover myself or anyone I'm trying to defend in a white spherical barrier capable of guarding against a large scale explosion.

Ten no Hikari (Heaven's Light) - My support technique. With a short prayer (still working on what's said) and a gentle wave of Hikari no Tenshi, I (or someone I'm trying to help) am covered in a translucent veil of spirit energy that rapidly heals wounds and provides clarity if any senses have been disoriented. Due to this ability being completely overpowered, it uses nearly all of my reiatsu and as a result I cannot use it in battle. DUUUUUDE, in shikai??? Nah, not gonna fly. Remember, we're going for plausibility within the Bleach realm. Even in bankai, you're going to have a hell of a time trying to get this one to work. I'd recommend to scrap it as is from shikai. Notice I said as is. If you were to turn this into an entirely different ability but keep the influence of recharging, you could amplify it in bankai and have better chances of it passing critique once you reach your final level. The problem here is that even with your execution limits on this technique, it has effectively made you invincible for a moment if used right. and that's overpowered anyway you look at it.

Tamashi no Ken (Soul Sword) - By shouting "Tenshi!!!" and releasing my Zanpakuto from my grasp this technique allows me to transform Hikari no Tenshi into her Spirit Form and fight alongside her. don't worry here, this is just a pet peeve of mines. For logical reasons, controlling two entities at once, whose kinetic actions are separate from each other has always baffled me. As a wielder, I do not see how it is possible to have your zan fighting with you in your hands, all the while able see and combat whats fighting them in materialized form in separate combat with another opponent, while you engage someone else, all the while consciously unable to both battles as one person. BUT, KUBO likes doing unexplainable stuff and frequently doesn't use logic.... I digress... When using this technique I am limited to Hakuda and Kido as Tenshi is in full control of all her techniques.

Bankai

Spoiler:

I'm still working on perfecting her Bankai form (as far as the picture is concerned), but when she's in Bankai she gains a pair of wings as well as Royal Blue and Gold armlets worn on her forearms and above her biceps. In addition her white sclera becomes Royal Blue. Tenshi Bankai not bad at all. Heaven's samurai.

Bankai: Tengoku no Tamashi (Heaven's Soul) - Activated by yelling "Ban Kai... Take Flight, Tengoku no Tamashi". Hikari no Tenshi makes no visible change, but the top of my Shihakusho is blown off and a majestic pair of fully functional 8ft angel wings adorn my back and my irises become golden similar to Tenshi's. All of my techniques are enhanced and I have access to three other techniques.

Abilities:

Spoiler:

Seiken - Enhanced version of Shikai attack. Now white and outlined in blue and produces a larger explosion upon contact with my enemy. an understood given.

Shin no Seiken - Enhanced version of Shikai attack now produces up to 100 golden halo-shaped waves of reiatsu. this wreaks of raw power. One thing I forgot to mention was to recommend you to add light to this technique. It would play well of of your theme. Light displaces darkness... etc.

Amenome - Enhanced version of Shikai technique. Stronger defensive abilities and the length of time the technique is extended.

Ten no Hikari - Enhanced version of Shikai technique. Reiatsu consumption is not as overwhelming so I'm able to use it while in battle. Ok, without sounding negative, I've tried to digest this even in bankai as being plausible within the Bleach realm, and it is not. This needs A WHOLE LOT of work. Might I offer a suggestion to get your gears going... think of the "sacrifice". Wielding heaven's power has always come with a sacrifice. This is not to be confused with a disadvantage. The reiatsu burst you gain from performing this on yourself could have an expiration time.... or once it is executed, you can't power up any further past your then current reiatsu level. Also reiatsu you give to an ally could be siphoned from your own reiatsu level... etc. Every master zansmith loves to see a wielder get away with a near haxx overpowered technique. But it is not an easy task in this guild.

Tamashi no Ken - Same as Shikai. Tenshi now appears in her Bankai form.

Saigo no Seiken, Tenken (Final Sacred Sword, Heavenly Sword) - The blade of Tengoku no Tamashi becomes golden and with one swing I unleash a barrage of Shikai level Seiken attacks. The number of attacks is determined by the amount of reiatsu I have at the time I use the attack. You're zan is super heavy with what it can do. Its time to get to your final technique and finish at this point. Remember, we're going for Bleach realm. With the appearance of Saigo no Seiken, you've now put a second level to bankai in the following techniques. This is nontraditional and anything outside of one (1) ultimate technique is highly unorthodox. (Think of Byakuya's Shūkei: Hakuteiken, once he's that powered up, there's only one technique left.... the same for Toshiro's Hyōten Hyakkasō, know what I mean?

Heaven's Legion - Going along with my ideals, I visualize everyone I wish to protect as I build up my reiatsu. After building it to its maximum, I fly towards the clouds. When I point Tengoku no Tamashi towards the clouds the sky seems to open up revealing what can only be described as the gates of heaven and angelic beings resembling everyone I wish to protect appear and rain down on my opponent causing a huge explosion. This technique uses up nearly all of my reiatsu and is one of my two final attacks.

Tamashi no Yugo (Soul Fusion) - After using Tamashi no Ken I can use this technique to temporarily fuse my soul with Tengoku no Tamashi and use my second final attack. In this form I have golden irises and royal blue sclera similar to Tenshi's Bankai form. In addition the hakama of my Shihakusho is white and tattered and I have six wings adorning my back.

Shi no Tenshi (Angel of Death) - Upon activation my wings shatter one by one and the feathers surround my opponent and I in a sphere similar to Byakuya's Gokei. After a moment the feathers converge on us from all directions piercing through anything and everything in their way. Sacrificial attack unless I get healed immediately after using it. Uses all my reiatsu and even when healed I cannot fight for over a month as I wait for my reiatsu to return. The light blue here is overkill for the reason stated above about the final/ultimate technique.

That was actually harder than I thought. Be gentle critics! lol.

I spent a lot of time just moving sections to help the order of it all. Notice the spirit is first, then innerworld, then sealed state, then shikai, shikai abilities, bankai, bankai abilities. It doesn't have to be in that order, but it helps the flow of what you are trying to explain. Overall, you've taken on a WHOLE LOT all at once and have done quite well thus far.

[Ten_no_Hikari]

Originally Posted by OminousG

after generous wait, Ten_no_Hikari's Hikari no Tenshi (Angel of Light)I spent a lot of time just moving sections to help the order of it all. Notice the spirit is first, then innerworld, then sealed state, then shikai, shikai abilities, bankai, bankai abilities. It doesn't have to be in that order, but it helps the flow of what you are trying to explain. Overall, you've taken on a WHOLE LOT all at once and have done quite well thus far.

Thanks for the critique. I figured that my zan suffered from way too many techniques, but I didn't want to fall into what I call "Ichigo Mode" where I have 1 attack... that and I couldn't really decide which to drop. Time for some editing. I want to keep Heaven's Legion cause I like visualizing how that attack would be animated (nerd thoughts).