Chuck Norris jokes & pics thread - Page 3

InDeathsMirror · #21 08-22-2010, 01:31 PM

Outer space only exists because its afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.

If a zombie bites Chuck Norris, he does not turn into a zombie, the zombie turns into Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris were ever able to get into a fight with himself, he'd win.

Reina07 · #22 08-23-2010, 11:12 PM

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis.
The is no global warming, Chuck Norris just brought the sun nearer so he wouldn't be cold.
There ain't no WMD in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

~~cat_skitty~~ · #23 08-24-2010, 11:42 AM

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer

InDeathsMirror · #24 09-04-2010, 05:22 PM

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody's around to hear it, does it make a sound?
Only if Chuck Norris says it does.

Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
Because he felt like it and nobody dared to question his motives.

Chuck Norris doesn't put cucumbers in his eyes. He puts habanero peppers in them.

Spoiler:

Yadomaru · #25 10-11-2010, 12:04 PM

If Chuck Norris and Mr T walk into a room together, that room will explode due to the combined awesomeness being too much to contain.

Mr T once pitied a fool at the exact moment Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him(the fool, not Mr T) in the ribs. The result was the 80's.

InDeathsMirror · #26 10-24-2010, 02:23 PM

When Chuck Norris drinks, he doesn't throw up, he only throws down.

When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks with his right foot, he is not actually kicking with his right foot, he is spinning the earth with his left foot and just putting his right up to meet his victim.

In Indochina, Chuck Norris' left testicle is worshipped as a god of love and fertility. His right testicle is feared as a vicious fire-breathing demon from the depths of hell.

Chuck Norris can sit in the corner of a round room.

Chuck Norris once beat the statue of David in a staring contest.

Sliver · #27 01-20-2011, 02:41 AM

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

*skycrapper* · #28 01-20-2011, 03:32 AM

Chuck Norris does not breathe. He ORDERS Oxygen molecules to serve his body cells.

frack · #29 01-20-2011, 07:58 AM

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

*Super Beaver* · #30 01-20-2011, 08:22 AM

Chuck Norris caused the big bang

with a sneeze

#21 08-22-2010, 01:31 PM
InDeathsMirror Is happily married Academy Student Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Between my wife's legs Age: 22 Posts: 311 Gender:	Outer space only exists because its afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris. If a zombie bites Chuck Norris, he does not turn into a zombie, the zombie turns into Chuck Norris. If Chuck Norris were ever able to get into a fight with himself, he'd win. __________________ Spoiler: 20th Officer, 7th Level Commander, 6th division

#22 08-23-2010, 11:12 PM
Reina07 Surprisingly delicious Plus Join Date: May 2010 Location: Prague Age: 19 Posts: 118 Gender:	Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Chuck Norris is capable of photosynthesis. The is no global warming, Chuck Norris just brought the sun nearer so he wouldn't be cold. There ain't no WMD in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma. __________________ Member of: Spoiler:

#23 08-24-2010, 11:42 AM
~~cat_skitty~~ Banned Rukongai Citizen Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: in a house! Age: 20 Posts: 138 Gender:	Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer

#24 09-04-2010, 05:22 PM
InDeathsMirror Is happily married Academy Student Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Between my wife's legs Age: 22 Posts: 311 Gender:	If a tree falls in the forest and nobody's around to hear it, does it make a sound? Only if Chuck Norris says it does. Why did Chuck Norris cross the road? Because he felt like it and nobody dared to question his motives. Chuck Norris doesn't put cucumbers in his eyes. He puts habanero peppers in them. Spoiler: Spoiler: Spoiler: __________________ Spoiler: 20th Officer, 7th Level Commander, 6th division Last edited by frack; 01-20-2011 at 07:57 AM

#25 10-11-2010, 12:04 PM
Yadomaru is a sexy-babe-lovin' Captain Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: with Nemu, Lisa, Yoruichi-sama, Senna, Nanao-chan, Harribel, Ikumi-san, Riruka, Loly & Cirucci Age: 25 Posts: 3,564 Gender:	If Chuck Norris and Mr T walk into a room together, that room will explode due to the combined awesomeness being too much to contain. Mr T once pitied a fool at the exact moment Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him(the fool, not Mr T) in the ribs. The result was the 80's. __________________ Resident Riruka/Senna/Cirucci otaku Many thanks to Razvan Asakura* for the great Riruka-chan sig!!!!* FCs Spoiler: My RE-revised TOP 10 Bleach Fucks: Spoiler: 01. Yoruichi Shihouin...(Tall, dark, and super-hot sex goddess) 02. Nemu Kurotsuchi (she's sexy, she's totally submissive, and that outfit sooo gets me off) 03. Cirucci (Gothic lolita? In mah bed, nao!) 04. Lisa Yadomaru(horny little perv probably knows all kinds of kinky tricks. That and schoolgirl uniforms and chicks with glasses turn me on) 05. Soi Fon (she's badass, and that outfit's hot...Get her in a threesome with Yoruichi, keep things interesting) 06. Harribel (Dem big ol' titties, and that outfit. Resureccion form is even more fuckable) 07. Nanao Ise (What can I say, she's a babe with glasses) 08. Loly (Skanky little slut just begs for it) 09. Senna(I'll feel guilty about it later, she's just too cute not to fuck.) 10. Riruka Dokugamine (see avatar) Last edited by Yadomaru; 10-11-2010 at 12:05 PM

#26 10-24-2010, 02:23 PM
InDeathsMirror Is happily married Academy Student Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Between my wife's legs Age: 22 Posts: 311 Gender:	When Chuck Norris drinks, he doesn't throw up, he only throws down. When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks with his right foot, he is not actually kicking with his right foot, he is spinning the earth with his left foot and just putting his right up to meet his victim. In Indochina, Chuck Norris' left testicle is worshipped as a god of love and fertility. His right testicle is feared as a vicious fire-breathing demon from the depths of hell. Chuck Norris can sit in the corner of a round room. Chuck Norris once beat the statue of David in a staring contest. __________________ Spoiler: 20th Officer, 7th Level Commander, 6th division Last edited by frack; 01-20-2011 at 07:57 AM

#27 01-20-2011, 02:41 AM
Sliver nowhere but here Rukongai Citizen Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Right behind you. Posts: 129 Gender:	Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage. Last edited by Sliver; 01-20-2011 at 02:42 AM

#28 01-20-2011, 03:32 AM
skycrapper Listening to Hatsune Miku ^3^ Elite Quincy Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Above you . . . Posts: 3,004 Gender:	Chuck Norris does not breathe. He ORDERS Oxygen molecules to serve his body cells. __________________ "Now what?" - Bloat, Finding Nemo (New and improved sig area is near completion. The new avatar is part of the progress ) DRAGONS!!! DRAGON EGGS AND HATCHLINGS!!! Help me raise them!!! ADULT DRAGONS!!! Check out my new entry, The Solstice Dragons. Spoiler: The Dragons of the Mist Spoiler: The Story Spoiler: The name Dragons of the Mist are given to dragons grown by a secretive group of alchemists known as the Blackshrouds, somewhere in the misty, magical Blackwoods forest. They done various experiments on various breeds of dragons they collected from across the Lands of Perils, resulted in a vast amounts of dead bodies and corpses of dragons, which due to the unknown magical feats of the Blackwoods forest quickly dissolve and become one with the humus and mosses of the forest floor, not letting any foul odor and rotting flesh happen. Nevertheless, though insignificant compared to the amount of failures, the Blackshrouds succeeded in creating new breeds of dragons with unique, and some of them violent, traits and abilities. Legends tell that there were seven Dragons of the Mist. The last two, Jarkul Dramargahn and Haelyn Woodswyrm possesses abilities that at the end enables them to escape from the grasp of the mad alchemists and tried to lead the other five to freedom. Dramargahn created such an elaborate illusions and lured the alchemist to unlock the cages and bars for the dragons to go out and fly away. But since they were grown in the exposure of the mists of the Blackwoods forest, once they took flight away from the forest, their bodies disintegrated violently and disappears within seconds. Knowing this, Dramargahn tried to pull Woodswyrm back into the mist, but then realized that she was not affected by the binding effect due to her abilities. It's a peace and calming aura which affects those who are physically close to her, thus protected Dramargahn in their escape flight. For long, he traveled everywhere together with her, fearing that he would suffer the same fate of the other five should he go away from her. But later, they found that as they travel further from the forest, the binding effect grows thin and finally disappears. Then the two decided to go separate ways. Haelyn Woodswyrm Spoiler: Haelyn Woodswyrm is a legendary guardian of the vast Gravinwoods forest, east of the gleaming City of Pfarvaldar. Haelyn is one of the last of her kind, the Dragons of the Mist, born with a unique, invisible aura of influence that affects her surroundings. It gives the feeling of serenity and peace around the cave where she lives, thus many creatures take refuge in the vicinity of her dwelling and make it a safe haven that protects them from the brutality and violence of the beautiful forest. Due to this condition, she is bound to stay in the center of the forest. If she leaves, serenity would be gone, and chaos would destroy the forest swiftly. The other Dragon of the Mist is a male dragon, Jarkul Dramargahn, the guardian of Mount Sharvandar, the Mountain of Kings. Jarkul Dramargahn Spoiler: Jarkul Dramargahn is one of the last two Dragons of the Mist alive in the realm of the Lands of Perils. He lives around the clouds and fog of the Mountain of Kings. The Mountain of Kings is the one place where the people bury their kings along with their favorite treasures and valuables, during the Black Age that destroyed the land and gave birth to its name. His task is to provide a series of tests to the people who take the mountain pass past the great Helvin Bridge. He drops images and illusions into the mind, to give them visual choices to take. The choices are always the same : Earthly riches and wisdom, with different themes according to the feats, memories and traits. They who fail the tests are given a last illusion to lure them off the cliffs. The Baardard Nikhim Spoiler: The Story Spoiler: There were many dragon hunters groups in the Lands of Perils, and Baardard Nikhim was one among few with both attitude and wealth worth respect. They have many bases spread across the land, including sea fleets, forest watchtowers, cavern burrows and even mountain halls to keep their loots and dragons. These are but a few of their stories, found in scribes, journals and parchments found by various efforts in trying to keep their violent ways at bay. Khraxx Galaxx Spoiler: Khraxx Galaxx was owned by Valina Jafina, one of the great leader of the Baardard Nikhim, a group of dragon hunters from the eastern borders of the Lands of Perils. They are said to be the most successful pair in the long history of the dragon hunters, and their reputation was whispered with fear among the dragon communities and lairs throughout the land. They were last seen leading the group chasing a Hellfire Wyvern beyond the borders of Manticula Vex, a desert in the northern area of the Lands of Perils. They never come back, and no one know what happened to the dragon hunters. Gorak Barimm Spoiler: Near the Lands of Perils, deep in the vast, desolate desert of Manticula Vex, lives Gorak Barimm, a Hellfire Wyvern exiled from his volcanic dwellings due to his unique, calm behavior. He used to live in a cave near the Horad's Peninsula, until he was lost to a fight with a powerful wizard who desperately wanted to seize the cave for unknown purposes. Barimm lives for a long time in the desert, and rumor spreads of a lone Hellfire Wyvern lives in a rocky cave, ready to be caught. Many sought to seize him, but all fails due to the harsh environment, and Barimm's fiery defense when they successfully reach his lair. Even the feared dragon hunters group Baardard Nikhim lost one of their respected leader trying to seal him. The Tale of the Southshores Bind Spoiler: The Story Spoiler: The Tale of Southshores Bind tells a story about a relationship between two dragons of different races, the Deep Sea Dragons and Waterhorse Dragons races, who are known for their long history of adversary. The tale originates from the finding of ancient scrolls and journals of the infamous dragon hunters group known as the Baardard Nikhim, when queen Mara Shirania ordered her assassins to wipe out the entire members of one of the group's fleet base out of anger due to their raid on her firstborn son's ship. The queen learned about the story from the passages about the sinking of one of their elite ship due to a violent encounter with a Deep Sea Dragon in the middle of their quest of catching a certain Waterhorse Dragon. The story touched her so much, knowing the background history of the two dragon races, and the fact that her ancestors were involved in the great war known as the Black Age when different races fought to claim ownership of the once vast and rich world, resulted with the great losses of the fighting races and the ruining of the world, leaving a world of desolated and barren lands known as The Lands of Perils. She then began to use it as goodnight storytelling to her younger and only son to teach him about friendship as an effort to put ideas in his mind that differences are not to be taken as a reason to hate, but to love and complete each other. A maid of the castle learned of the story, and began to tell it to her children, and the story quickly spread across the kingdom, and finally reached a certain fisherman lived on a peninsula just south of the city borders. Farharn Ban'nim recognized the story and the truth behind it from the two Waverunner Dragons found and owned by his daughter, who told him about distant friends of them whose fate was so similar, involving a group of dragons hunters, and the sinking of their ship as they tried to flee. The Ban'nim family then started to tell and spread the story confirming the original story told by the queen, and it finally reached the queen's court. Queen Mara then ordered Farharn to come and tell the story himself in front of her. Instead, the Ban'nim family took with them the two Waverunner Dragons to tell the story with crisp and clear details. The whole court was amazed, maybe due to the magical traits of the Waverunners when they told the story, and the tale became one of the early efforts in keeping and maintaining peace across the Lands of Perils. Every time people pass on the story, both listeners and storytellers can feel the emotions involved between Hakh'al Mumbadii and Marthil Hadad, thus gives them the urge to pass it on. Hakh'al Mumbadii Spoiler: Hakh'al Mumbadii was one of the deep sea dragons who was once colonized the seabeds of the calm Oceans of the Southshores. He was born with unique physical traits that forbid him to go to shallower depths. Thus, the dark and gloomy parts of the deep was all he had to live with. He had a friend, Marthil Hadad, who used to tell stories about the beauty of the surface world, and they shortly brought together to a bound of friendship for hundreds of years. Hakh'al died when he tried to help her from getting slaughtered by the Baardard Nikhim, a group of dragon slayers from the East. He decided to brave himself and swim to the surface to give aid to the distressed waterhorse dragon, and successfully made the dragon slayers fled for their lives due to his violent attack. Despite the efforts, Marthil Hadad already sustained mortal wounds and nearing death, while Hakh'al finally found out how cruel shallow waters could do to him. Their helpless bodies slowly sank to the depths of the sea. Marthil Hadad Spoiler: Marthil Hadad was a waterhorse dragon, usually seen prancing on the surface when ships and cruisers sailed the waters near her colony habitat. People found her unique behavior quite entertaining She had a friend, a deep sea dragon named Hakh'al Mumbadii, who loved to listen to her tales and stories about the beautiful life on the surface, because he was born with unique physical traits that made him unable to go near the shallower depths. Their friendship endured hundreds of years, and within those years she learned how to transfer her feelings telepathically, so she could describe the beauty of the sun's dawn to him, along with the warmth of its light. But humans' greed finally got to her, when the Baardard Nikhim, a group of dragon slayers from the East set sail to hunt down the pretty waterhorse dragon. She tried to struggle against them, but humans' arsenal of cruelties finally able to inflict mortal wounds on her. She died along with Hakh'al who tried to help her. The Solstice Dragons < NEW! Spoiler: The Story Spoiler: It is well-known among scribers and storytellers that there's a fun-loving, brilliant-brained Professor Jahred Margul who lives in a foreign country, far across the Westbound Sea - "Farlands", as described in a more familiar way. The eccentric, yet friendly professor conducts unending experiments and inventions, which mainly for his own benefits, though sometimes he dedicates his creations to help his fellow townfolks and farmers in their businesses.Among those creations, The Solstice Dragons are known to be the greatest ones. Summersun Spoiler: Professor Jahred Margul loves sunbathing and recreational picnics. And the only perfect season to do those things is the Farlands Summer with its hot, sunny weather and the low humidity. So, he modified a Seasonal Summer Dragon to be able to absorb the energy of the sun, and control the humidity of the air around him. And thus was born Summersun. His magical traits activate during the Summer season of Farlands. He sunbathes during the day, and releases the energy during the night, along with his ability to control the humidity of the evening air. Though harmless and with a small area of effect, the released sun's energy is enough for the professor to continue his sunbathing and picnic schedule around his laboratory with Summersun lazily floats in the air yawning and waiting for the sunrise to repeat the process again. Greyfall Spoiler: Greyfall is one of the Solstice Dragons created and/or modified by Professor Jahred Margul of the Farlands. Greyfall's magical traits activate during the autumn season of the Farlands. His magical traits are mainly psychological: The magical aura induces the calm, melancholy feelings to whoever present within its vicinity, which usually gives them the urge to write poetry, cry over sad stories, or just close their eyes and enjoy the cool breeze of the air. Snowbreed Spoiler: Snowbreed is one of the Solstice Dragons of the Farlands. Snowbreed's magical traits activate during the winter season of the Farlands. They involve mainly atmospheric influences, including cold breeze, snowflakes, hails, and sometimes auroras. It is also recorded that, in rare occasions, Snowbreed even controls the cold weather of winter, to make it less freezing for the living things in the surrounding area to endure and survive. Epilogue Spoiler: The professor is yet to find a Seasonal Dragon's spring egg, due to the difficulty to obtain it. FAN CLUBS Not quite done, still work in progress Spoiler: OTHER STUFFS Spoiler:

#29 01-20-2011, 07:58 AM
frack Burning Insanity Espada $frack's Avatar$ Join Date: May 2008 Location: The End of Fear Age: 24 Posts: 9,186 Gender: Blog Entries: 1 $frack is on the distinguished road$ $Send a message via AIM to frack$ $Send a message via Skype™ to frack$	Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
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#30 01-20-2011, 08:22 AM
Super Beaver The 4th division's Vice-Captain Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 2,049 Gender:	Chuck Norris caused the big bang with a sneeze __________________ Set by Jak